Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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