1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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