Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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