Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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