I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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