Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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