Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize