just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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