So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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