I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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