waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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