I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize