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The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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