Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize