I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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