You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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