I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
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By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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