You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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