After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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