Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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