i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
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SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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