Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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