Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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