Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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