a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think my vagina is haunted
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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