oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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