I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize