Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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