the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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