I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize