This girl is more easily done than said...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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