Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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