last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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