Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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