I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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