apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize