drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize