If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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