who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize