I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize