I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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