I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
how does that bad decision feel?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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