I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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