p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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