i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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