I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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