Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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