I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the night went full on bisexual.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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