is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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