I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize