After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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